A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A REVIEWER OF SEX TOYS – THE MORNING

A SEX TOY REVIEWER’S DAY IN THE LIFE OR WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN YOU’RE EXPECTING (SEX TOYS)

Do you want to know what it’s like to walk in my shoes? My days have been punctuated with pretty uncommon experiences since I began blogging about sex toys(성인용품)…

THE MORNING

It’s 6 a.m. on Friday. In pursuit of your spectacles, your hand flails towards the bedside table, but your fingers curl around a bright red dildo instead. Even though you should be used to it, you jump at the contact. Your hand finds your glasses among the rubble of yesterday’s bullet vibrations after a few more blind grasps.

You’re sitting at your computer with your morning toast and tea a few minutes later. You grin as you read the polite emails from possible sex toy providers and spend a few minutes reading their product pages to find a toy to evaluate. When you come across jelly dildos, you wrinkle your nose.

Then you open an email from a corporation whose public relations representative uses ambiguous non-committal language. Yes, the review will be completed within a month. No, I’m not going to pay for shipping. Yes, we agreed that you would send me anything a month ago. Is it still the case that you’re sending what you said you’d send? I need to know so that I don’t take one from a competitor. Hello? Is there a way to track my package? The thing that tells me where the shipment is, a tracking number. Is there such a thing? Hello? Hello..?

A van pulls up alongside your apartment building, and you hear it. Your heart skips a beat, and you dash to the window. The postman. You quickly put on some jeans and shoes and dash down the stairs to catch up with the mailman before he reaches the building. When he sees you, his eyes narrow. He thinks you’re a mail scammer.

He says, holding boxes in his arms and attempting to push by you, “Nothing for you today.”

“How about that one over there?” says the narrator. You indicate the large box.

He sighs and reads by twisting his neck. “Nope, that belongs to #607.”

You say, “That’s the building number.” “Do it again.”

He double-checks and recognizes his error. You exhale a sigh of relief as he delivers you the box. SUCCESS! Once again, you’ve spared flat #607 from a dangerously sluggish postman delivering your kinky toys. You take the elevator with the reward in your hand.