A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A REVIEWER OF SEX TOYS – THE EVENING

THE EVENING

You’re ready for a break after battling dust particles and cat hair in Photoshop. You wash your new toys and place them on your bedside table in a mound.

“I’ll be in the other room,” you offer, waving your notebook in front of your partner.

“Do you require assistance?” Your companion inquires, his face a little too innocent.

You wring your hands. “I’ll call you if it becomes enjoyable.”

You take out your notebook and scribble the names of your new possessions. You begin by describing your experience under “Session 1.” Generally speaking, your writing becomes sloppy as you progress through the better toys. Your concentration begins to fade, and you begin to litter your notebook with spelling errors and crooked letters.

However, not today. Around halfway through, your army of cats misinterprets your reviewing session as prime cuddling time and attempts to take over your bed by curling up in the nook of your arm. You nudge them aside, oblivious to their irate chattering.

Today, you’re yawning after twenty minutes. The vibrations produced by this toy are uninspiring. Your eyelids begin to droop and you notice that your kitties have returned to your bed, snuggled up and cute and sleeping. The vibe is no longer in your control. It’s slipping beneath your legs, hidden beneath the sheets.

You awaken an hour later from your unexpected snooze with the urgent need to pee. You’ve consumed an excessive amount of tea today.

“How did it go?” Your spouse inquires.

“Horrible,” you exclaim as you boot up your PC. You’re hoping that the next four sessions with that mood are similarly remarkable. It’s tedious to write about mundane toys.

You launch adult toy(성인용품) and navigate to a draft review of a toy you’ve been holding for weeks. Scandalous photographs cover the post, instilling fear in you that your neighbours can see your screen through the windows. You write swiftly, more quickly than usual, because you were playing with a toy.

Your mother calls halfway through writing to see how you’re doing. You fabricate an excuse by claiming to be watching television. She is always calling when you are writing a review. She believes you watch a lot of television. You concur, your teeth gnashing silently. She invites you to visit the next day. Your gaze wanders across the room, taking note of the boxes, wrapping, and dildos stacked around. Cleaning. There will be an abundance.

SLEEP TIME

Later, when it’s time to retire for the night, you glance around your room at the tools. You seize the wedge and begin your dance, your partner smiling. You’ve forgotten about the shady public relations guys and the sluggish mailman. You forget about the cat hair and the Photoshop battles, as well as the mood that lulled you to sleep. Those battles can wait until tomorrow. Tonight? Tonight, you will reap the rewards.